I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
