Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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