the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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