Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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