btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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