he wants to bone in the snuggie
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think my moral compass just broke
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