He disabled his match.com account in front of me
one might say we're banned from that church
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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