I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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