If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
