But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
