Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
