If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
