so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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