remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
