new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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