yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
