too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
