if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
