Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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