its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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