it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
