thus making me awesome and them whores
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
