I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
