I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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