I just saw a hot homeless man
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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