somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
