Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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