Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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