dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
