I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
