Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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