my phone needs a breathalizer
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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