I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
