Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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