my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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