Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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