There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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