you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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