I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
