I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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