Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
