the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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