Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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