he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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