worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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