Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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