My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
