I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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