nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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