So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
