we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize