I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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