They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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