dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
