I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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