There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
