hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
