oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
