You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
