just come out here and I will go home with you...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
