I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
