There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
