good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize