I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
