I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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