not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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