I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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