i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
