you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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