I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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