two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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