How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
