So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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