I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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