If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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