Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
