I'm going to jail i love you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
