He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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