so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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