We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
