So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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