I got chris browned last night
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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